Dog Days of Summer

While I sort of understand while we say "the dead of winter," I don't really get why we say "the dog days of summer."

oh. I just looked it up on wikipedia and I got told.

Here is my summary. Hold on to your seat because it is about to get complicated in here. Once upon a time, there were Romans and they liked stars. And there was a star that, in their language, was called the Dog Star and it was the brightest star, after the sun. Way back in those days, when this here Dog Star rose right before the sun (which doesn't happen anymore), the Romans called that time the Dog Days AND this happened during the summer and was, liiiike, way totally hot.

the end.

Anyway, I absolutely, positively, undoubtedly despise winter. Specifically "the dead of winter," when it is so cold my eyes freeze shut (not joking), there is no green except for those there deciduous trees, no pretty smells outside, my fingertips are freezing under my many layers of clothes, the temperature is 0 and but it feels like negative 50 with the windchill (still not joking) and the snow drifts are nearly my height (still not making this up).I hate that the sun comes up late and goes down early. I don't like that it's so slick that everyone falls all the time and even my dog wants to take care of his personal business on the front steps. Ew, and I have to scrape snow and ice off my care and the windows fog up on the way to work.

ew ew ew!!

THAT is why I am in heaven, even during the dog days of summer. Give me 90% humidity. Give me heat advisories and 110 temperatures. I'm okay with this! I have a pool to jump into. My hair is naturally wavy, I'll deal with the beauty quirks. It's better than trying to deal with hat head in the winter. It smells sweet like grass outside. Birds and bugs are making beautiful sounds that I could sit and listen to for hours. I feel so alive in this weather, even if it gets so extreme.

Obviously, I do prefer a 77 degree, partly cloudy day. Good for a t-shirt, jeans and sandals. Great for a walk so I can appreciate the beautiful plants that have bloomed.

But you will NOT find me complaining about the worst of summer. Because I remember all too well what winter brings and I do. not. like. it.
at. all.

Creative Juices

I can't remember if I already mentioned this, though I suspect I have. My pal introduced me to 365project.org, a site where you upload one photo a day for a year to document your life. It's fun to do and it's a lot of fun to peruse other people's photos.

I am having a great time letting my creative juices flow on this project. There have been days when I've just quickly snapped a photo, uploaded it and slapped it on the website to give insight into what I did that day. But then there are days when I'm feeling a little artsy and put some creative effort into my photograph. I don't have a fancy camera and I don't have fancy editing equipment, like other users. It'd be fun if I could play with PhotoShop or something. But I do use picnik.com to play with the colors and fading and things. It is interesting what a big difference a tiny change can make in a picture.

I absolutely love the feeling that comes from doing something creative. It reminds me of the college days when I had to create films and write articles for journalism classes. It was nice to have projects to do and present to other people who could think critically about them.

So... that's what makes me tick. Being creative. This project doesn't serve a purpose other than being fun for me and providing something that I can look back on when a year passes, but it sure is exciting!

I hope you'll take a look and comment!


http://365project.org/mmade/365

So Tired!

The good news is, my illness is being treated. I used to feel sick daily, even though I was feeling better. And feeling sick so much led to me feeling sleepy and napping all the time.

Now, though, I'm very energetic. I want to be out and doing things all the time to make up for the 6ish years that I was dragging my feet or bedridden. It's pretty great, overall. It'd be even better if I put a big percentage of this energy towards cleaning my house and other chores. But I've been more involved in the community, getting out with friends, checking off more things on my Life List... things are fun these days.

The problem is that I just can not sleep! I've been working longer days than I'm used to, then going out and I'm exhausted. But I come home and unwind, read a book, turn the lights off when my eyes feel droopy.... and I lay there. I stretch my legs, I change positions, I fluff up my pillow... nothing works. For several nights, I've been laying there until somewhere around 3 AM. The latest has been 4, and that was on a day when I had to be awake at 8 with two commitments after work.

Despite the little sleep that day, I was chipper and had fun.

But now, seriously. The lack of sleep is getting frustrating. On the outside, I'm okay. People have been giving me compliments on my positive attitude and how they enjoyed visiting the library because I was so chipper and nice. But I'm so exhausted on the inside!

I just want some sleep!!

To curl up in my bed, under my amazing fuzzy blanket, my tiny dog cozied up on my side and to fall in a nice, deep, satisfying sleep.

Smiliest in the Whole World

I like to start my work mornings by grabbing coffee from one of the many coffee places by my workplace. Lately, it has been the bakery department at the market. I love that their iced coffee has frozen coffee as ice instead of just ice. Yum! You should also know that they put in the perfect amount of caramel and leave exactly the right amount of space for cream. Perfection.

Well, today I stopped in and the cashier who served me asked if I worked at the library. I confirmed that I did and she raved, "You're desk is the smiliest desk in the whooole world! It's so great!"
That's probably the one thing I hear most often about myself. That I am always smiling. It was nice to hear someone notice that our whole department is happy and to appreciate it!

So now I've decided to make my coworkers at the other desks feel inferior by bragging about this. Before we know it, we're going to be creeping people out by being too smiley.

Not much for changes

My grandparents' house will soon be sold.

My grandmother now lives in assisted living and there is no need for the house. It is just weird to imagine my family without that house in the picture. I didn't realize everything that it represents. The last happy time I spent there, I was looking at my cousins and their children and thinking about how the house has belonged to my grandparents for over 40 years. Every one of us, from our parents down to the littlest child of my cousin, has played with toys in the living room or swung on the last bar by the steps in the basement.

We've all sat on this rock, something my grandpa had hauled home one day from his quarry.


I took a moment to just sit on that rock and think. I haven't "played" in their yard for maybe 14 years and I had forgotten things, like how that rock actually sparkles. Of course, this picture won't do it justice. But my mind looks at it and sees all sorts of metaphors.


I remember visiting before I lived in the same town and playing all the way at the bottom of the hill in the backyard. There was always a creek back there and a stone wall that I thought was really tall. When I went down there as a teenager, there was no creek and the wall hardly goes to my knee. I went down there today, of course, and there was a nice creek again.

That house watched our parents become teenagers and adults. It watched them build families of their own and we have all filled it up with laughter and chatter on holidays. It saw all of us cousins go from babies to adults and have babies of their own. It held tons of ping-pong tournaments and pool games. All of us kids have bellied up to the bar in the basement for Pepsi. We've all run in to the screened in back porch after spending a humid summer night collecting lightning bugs. I introduced my Grampa to my first boyfriend (now my husband) at that house. I've had difficult moments and happy moments in that home.

It was in the family for about 45 years. I hope that the next family keeps it for a long time and enjoys creating the infinite number of memories like we have.

Sweet Corn

*drool*
I had good ol' locally grown Iowa sweet corn yesterday. And THAT is an experience, not just a vegetable. I forget that every year.

You have to get the perfect ears of corn, or the whole experience is wrong. With the right corn, you don't even have to add salt or pepper. Maybe just a dab of butter. The kernels are fairly small and pop into your mouth when your teeth just barely touch them. It has just the right sweet flavor to it. Just reliving the three cobs that I ate last night is making me drool.

I've had regular ol' corn on the cob. It's fine. It tastes, y'know... cornish. The kernels are sort of mushy when you bite them off and it tastes best when you slather on butter and dash salt and pepper on. And even this corn is found in Iowa.
But, not last night. When I was in the middle of my euphoria, nibbling delicately on my cob, savoring each bite that popped into my mouth, I wondered why I ever felt annoyed at the notion that people stereotype Iowans as hicks who live on farms. I'm proud of our farmers! They work hard (understatement) all year and despite the difficult weather we've had this year.... somebody provided me with that amazing, sweeeeet, juicy corn on the cob.

A Play in a Day (cont)

This weekend was TOO BUSY for me to post, but I have definitely not forgotten a thing about my experience!

At the request and persistence of my cousin, I will finish describing my participation in the All In A Day Play Festival. It was definitely a day I don't want to forget.

So we four actors, two other girls (ages 16 and 23) and a man, were told by our director to dress in really casual clothes for our day of rehearsing. He likes to use acting exercises during rehearsals, so he wanted us to be as comfortable as possible.

While I like mornings, I do take a while to wake up, so I grabbed some iced coffee from Starbucks at 7:30 and met my group in the basement of a library. As the director had warned us, we read through the play once and then performed what we remembered, which was pretty disastrous. We had a little scare when we got to a part where the man was supposed to carry one of the girl's in. She was tall and slim, but he'd had shoulder surgery and was overcompensating a bit and ended up pulling his back muscle. He was in a lot of pain for a bit. So I was nervous that we'd just barely gotten started and one of our actors was already injured!

However, he stretched it out, took an ibuprofen and was in good shape for the rest of our morning. We worked on the first half of the play with scripts in hand all morning, focusing mainly on blocking. Blocking, for you non-theater types, is deciding where and when the actors walk/stand. Blocking is a great helper for memorization, too. When we rehearsed as though we were on stage, the lines came to us better. When we rehearsed while sitting in a group, we fumbled through our lines.

By the end of the morning, I was getting the gist of the play. We started by having a girl sit in the dark with only a flashlight pointing at the audience. She told a story of a scorned lover who haunted the area where she and her friends were currently camping. Only.... two of her friends had been missing for a few hours and all of them had been lost for three days. After her story, the lights came up and she and the one friend who was with her began to argue because they were stressed and personalities were clashing. THEN they were discovered by a ranger, just as a storm was a'brewin'. As he insisted that they pack up while he and others continued looking for their friends.................

My character screamed a blood curdling scream and came a'runnin', jabbering about how the friend SHE was lost with had been taken by "something." We can assume ghosts. My character freaks out and drives one of the other girls so mad that she runs off and the ranger chases after her. Then my character and the other friend chat about what I witnessed and what her feelings are about the campground. AND THEN.... OUR FRIEND IS DRAGGED BACK DEAD. *gasp*

So THEN I freak my freak and run off, the remaining friends freaks out on the ranger and there is an artsy end where we can only assume the girl sees the ghosts. Lights out, only the flashlight remains.

All right, so we spent our morning figuring out the play and blocking. We took an hour break to do what we wanted and memorize lines. I grabbed food with Kevin and had him run lines with me. At that point, I didn't think I'd ever memorize my part. I was starting to wonder what I got myself into.

We reconvened and met in a bigger, more private room at the library. The two girls who opened the play were encouraged to really become their characters. To become emotional and really let the emotions come out. To aid in this, the director did a neat exercise where they had to push their hands together and push against each other while they said their lines. This created more tension and showed all of us how the scene needed to slowly rise in tension. It was cool to watch.

As we worked on the scene that I entered, the director saw that I was holding back, too. Which is funny, because that's one of the biggest things that I look for when I'm critiquing a play. While I needed to get all up in an actress's business and really yell at her, I had a tendency to keep space between us, even when I needed to shake her shoulders and *gasp* swear at her.

That's right. I had to swear TWICE in this play. That was a huge deal for me. But we'll get back to that.

We did a few exercises to help get me past that point and ALL up in the girl's business. The most hilarious exercise was when he told me my "text" was the girl's name. Then he told me to close my eyes and pulled the girl aside. A minute later, the girl was in my year and yelled, at the top of her lungs, "HEY!!!!!" I decided to have a funny reaction and just quietly say her name. And she yelled, "WHAT'S UP?!?!!!!!" And I just quietly said her name again.

That was absolutely not the point of the exercise and I didn't get that. The director just looked at me and said he has never seen that before. That the purpose is to react the way one generally would when someone yells at them. Then I realized I don't really know how I would naturally react if someone yelled in my ear like that, besides scream.

So, because I FAILED at that attempt, I was to close my eyes, again. This time, the girl came up and pinched my butt.

Yes, I met her fewer than 24 hours before and we were now pinching butts. I couldn't even get her name out, then. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

After another exercise, I was getting the point and hopefully it came out in my performance. I received compliments, but you never know if it is people being kind or 100% truths. I just know that I did my best. It has been ten years since I've acted, I've never had this many lines, and it was a "serious" role, not a humorous one, which would have been way easier. Acting so upset was different, but a lot of fun. Especially screaming. :)

Oh, and the swearing. At one point, we tossed the F word into my script and I was beside myself. I don't know that I've actually ever said it out loud, honestly. I blushed when I found out I was going to have to say it and when I rehearsed it, I used it wrong in the sentence and ended up saying something REALLY degrading, instead of just sounding hysterical and angry. YIKES!
However, in the end, we took it out. But I did have to say The A and the D. Still a big deal for this girl. ha!!

So we spent a few hours rehearsing and got to the point that we had at least one clean run-through without our scripts and it was time for us to take one more break before our one and only tech rehearsal at the "big deal" theater where we were performing.

Our rehearsal there was okay, but we still weren't sounding very natural. So we spent more time sitting in the coolest room EVER that I didn't even know existed that was located above the theater, sitting around a table, "line bashing." This made me both more nervous AND more settled.

On one hand, I kept messing my lines up while everyone else seemed to be improving. On the other hand, we were spotting my weak points, and the cast was so sweet and said that they had my back and knew how to pick it up if I forgot anything on stage.

So.... finally, it was show time. We had a cute little dressing room, complete with the mirror surrounded by lights, below the stage. I liked imagining that Kris Allen had been there just weeks before (!!). We watched two shows, then we got ready below the stage. I went through my lines with everyone a couple more times, and also just in my head. It was finally feeling more and more natural.

The group before us was on stage, so we decided to climb up the stairs to the stage and wait. As I climbed the steps, I took a deep breath and just took in the moment and the interesting thing was... it had the same smell as the stage that I acted on in high school. I don't know how to describe it and I don't know what it is. If it's hints of woodwork that has been used for previous shows? Or something about the brick? It's sort of like walking into a school and how it always smells the same the first week when students return. Anyway, it took me back.

I was a little bit nervous. When we watched the opening of the show, the emcees said that this was the biggest crowd to have attended the event. They didn't even have enough programs for everyone. That freaked me out a little, but I told myself to just live in the moment. If I didn't, I would totally screw up my lines. So I didn't think about the audience or even look at them. I just waited for my cue and did what I had been doing all day long, only better.

I only messed my lines up at the very end of my part, but the girl in that scene with me was a great actress and was listening to what I was saying and responded well, so no one would know that I said the wrong things. They made sense, they just weren't the right words.

The rest of the cast did a wonderful job. They were incredible, no one messed up and... as a result... our director won the Best Director award. I was super proud of him because he definitely deserved it. He had a lot on his plate. It was not an easy play. And he just got out of college this spring.

Everyone else in the festival did a wonderful job and the other awards, best ensemble and best writer (won by my friend!) were very well deserved.

It was such a crazy day, but it was an experience that I really enjoyed! It was one of a kind, that's for sure!

A Play in a Day

So my city has a great event called All In A Day Play Festival. This is the third year that it is being done and as someone who is involved in the theater community here through critiquing, I decided to get on the other side and give acting a shot. I haven't been on the stage for ten years, but I love the thrill of it and miss it. I just haven't auditioned because I haven't wanted to commit all of the time that goes into a play in the last few years... but this experience might make me change my mind.

Today was Phase 1- getting into our groups and discovering what our plays would be about.

I walked into our meeting place and felt the nerves rise. For me, nerves basically fuel my hyper-bone. They make me more social and excitable. I was surprised to see that the room full of actors seemed really timid and quiet until they saw people they already knew.

I placed my name, written on a slip of paper, into an envelope and had a seat while I surveyed the follow actors/writers/directors. I waited for two of my pals to join and in a half hour, it was time for the fun to begin.

The first step- joining directors with writers. Six directors drew the name of a writer out of a bowl.
The second step- discovering their genres and then the third step of discovering the setting.
In the end, the plays ended up as the following... we'll see if I can remember all six...
A tragic beach party.
A noir cast party.
A slapstick game show.
A western road trip.
A mystery/suspense at a campsite.
And I'm forgetting one. argh!

All of these also have a trope... something that must take place either throughout the play or at some point in the play. While I have already forgotten what the trope is in my play, I remember that one play has to involve an group hug in which one person is hesitant to join in. Another play, I think the road trip, will involve someone whose random trivial knowledge will finally be useful. I think another has an overbearing mother. I love those parts!

Once we placed the directors and writers together, they discovered how many actors they had and drew our names. I was placed with the mystery at the campsite group.

I really enjoy my fellow actors, the writer and the director! I've seen the writer act before AND I remember watching the play that he wrote last year for this festival and enjoyed it. I think he'll cook up something really great.

For tonight, we got together and started getting the creative juices going. We introduced ourselves and the writer asked questions... can we sing? can we dance? can we do gymnastics of any sort? Do we scream? My favorite part was when he and the director asked if we could scream. It used to be a hard thing for me to do, but now I use screaming as a way to make my friends laugh... like if a good song comes on, I'll scream as if Justin Timberlake actually just walked in the room. So I said, "Oooh yeah, I can scream" and asked if they wanted me to do it. They said yes, so I did. Then they asked me to make it longer and I did. Then I worried because no one ran to save me. haha But I also noticed that I smiled the whole time. If I scream in the play, I need to remember to stay serious... I always smile... must. stay. in. character.

The director wanted us to do an exercise so he and the writer could get an idea of who we are, as people and as actors, and so we could get comfortable with each other. He gave us five minutes to come up with a camping story, real or made up, to tell each other, however we wanted to tell it. I decided to tell a story about the first time I took my dog camping, from my dog's perspective.
I used the voice that I use when I speak to my puppy, a raspy squeaky voice. And I made him imitate me and talk about how annoyed he gets when I treat him like a baby. I had him talk about how weird he thinks it is that we slept in an outdoor kennel and he called sleeping bags really large socks. I felt good that I got laughs from my fellow actors and the director.

So now, the writer will be up aaaaall night long, creating our play. We will meet tomorrow at 8 AM and get started! We'll start with a read-through, then try to act it out right away to see what we remember. Then we'll block and take it from there!

This is so nerve-wracking and exciting, all at once!! I hope I can really become my character and get my lines down!!

Pictures speak volumes

I love photos. Like, LOOOOOVE photos. In high school, I was the girl with her camera capturing every moment and creating silly photo albums so I'd remember everything about what I did with my friends in our extra curricular activities and free time.

And when I'm with a group of people, like a family gathering or a wedding, most of my photos have a purpose to them. I like for them to tell a story. I don't know anything fancy about lighting or pixels or other things. I just like to catch people in candid moments or frame the photo just right.

And I love to look at pictures. I like to get lost in them and I like how they evoke emotions. My grandpa took photos as a hobby and I adore his pictures. He actually knew what he was doing, so they're very pretty. My favorite picture of his is of a squirrel sitting on a table eating from a cob of corn. Every time I look at it, I can create a new story. That squirrel thinks he's people.

Today I learned about 365Project.org. It's a project aiming to document one year of your life through photos. A photo a day. I love this idea. There are so many ways to go about doing this. For instance, mothers could choose to take photos of their children and see exactly how much they've grown, physically and intellectually, in the year.
Fashionistas might want to challenge themselves to go a whole year without wearing the exact same outfit by changing up how they layer their clothes and accessorize. They can take pictures of how creative they get.
Walkers could document interesting things they see each day on their routes.
The ideas are endless and ridiculously interesting to me. Just as I love reading blogs to see what different lives are like, from happily married couples with kids to young college kids just starting their freshman year, I'm excited to do this project AND see how my friend's project develops.

I've decided that my photos will be a summary or highlight of my day. But I started with a photo that I thought told a little bit about myself.
http://365project.org/mmade/365

I won't tell what I plan to take a picture of tomorrow because I also plan to talk about it on here!

I see the moon and the moon sees me

Another day, another attempt.

First, I think I was just lazy and didn't make time for this blog.

Then, I intentionally stopped writing.

Then, I completely forgot I had this.

Well, that needs to stop. I want to write regularly. My friend told me to force myself to write everyday on here, then look back in a month and see what seems to be my theme. I shall take his advice.

Yes, it is 3 in the morning. I don't really like sleeping at night. I don't particularly like sleeping during the day, either, especially since I'm usually working or otherwise occupied.

Sleep and I have always been enemies. One of my earliest memories is being tucked in at a reasonable hour by my parents. They would read to me, we would say my bedtime prayer, I would be all cozy in my pajamas in my humongous bed and they'd turn off the lights and shut the door until just a tiny bit of light cast itself onto my floor. It was the perfect way to unwind in the perfect atmosphere.

But I wasn't having it. As soon as I heard their grown up feet walk out of the hall that separated my room from theirs, I would climb out of bed and walk over to my window. I was about 2 or 3, but I liked looking out my window and up at the moon, contemplating what I knew of life. Mainly, these thoughts involved how much fun I had playing with my next door neighbor and wondering if he also had to be in bed at 8. I looked at how my yard looked blue-ish in the moon's light and thought of the fun I'd had playing in that yard all day. I thought about daddies and mommies and how comforting they were. Those are the thoughts I remember having at 2 and 3 when I wasn't ready for bed. Eventually, looking at the moonlit yard became tiresome and I would crawl into my big bed, cover myself with my yellow duvet and fall asleep.

It's not as easy these days. I will read my book. I will say my prayer. I will turn out the light and wiggle around in bed. And then I'm still awake. I don't really wonder what my neighbors are doing, unless I hear their shower come on. Then I wonder why they are up as late as me. I don't stare at the moon unless my dog asks me to take him outside. But the moon doesn't seem to settle things for as long as it used to. It calms my pulse while I look at it. The act of looking at it does seem to make my hair blow back and cause my breathing to slow down. When I gaze at it and wonder how many people are doing the same at that moment, I can suddenly hear the sounds of nature that I couldn't hear before and my nerves seem more alive, feeling the air around me in a way it didn't seconds ago.

But the moment my eyes leave the moon, reality comes back to me. It used to seem that the moon took whatever worries my 3-year-old self had that kept me from wanting to sleep and held onto them for the night. The moon doesn't do that anymore.

Shame on the moon.