John Stamos

It always seems to me that when people go nutty on the Internet about their favorite celebrity, they get to him him/her. So I thought, "Self, why don't you give this a try?" It's just... I don't want to get so nutty that I sound obsessed because (a) what if John Stamos does really read this and is scared of me, or (b) what if he doesn't but everyone else does and they're just plain scared of me?

So I'm going to keep it tame, but let it be known... I heart John Stamos.

Our (one-sided) love affair began in 1992. Maybe '91. Please don't do the math. I don't want to scare John away with how creepy young I was when I first loved him. I mean, if I heard that a 9-year-old was drooling on me, I'd be pretty grossed out... whoops. Anyway, he was on Full House, but without the mullet when the lovin' began. I looked forward to the show every Tuesday night for a while, but at this point, it might have been every Friday night. Besides that, I also watched two episodes right after school before I went outside to play until dark. It was my afternoon ritual. Not because of those Olsens. Not just because Stephanie was super cool and my age, though that was also a big part of it. But the big bonus was that they had the cutest uncle I had ever laid eyes on.

I will admit that as the show came to its inevitable end, I realized that it was pretty lame and time for it to go. But I missed my weekly dose of Uncle Jesse and couldn't wait until I could find him somewhere else. Unfortunately, I didn't live in New York to buy tickets to his Broadway shows.

So I had to wait until college when he was on a short-lived show called Jake in Progress. That did it for the time being. What was even better was when he did commercials for 10-10-987, a number that made your landline long distance phone calls cost only ten cents. He would knock on people's doors to tell them about the number. I wrote a whole paper for college about how I'd get all dressed up at home, just waiting for him to come a'knockin' with his schpeel about the number. Then I'd invite him in for some food and who knew what could ensue after that!

(Of course, John, this "dressing up and waiting" thing totally never happened. Totally not that obsessed. Only obsessed enough to consider it for a paper.)

Eventually, though, the 10-10-987 commercials were gone and I was left with the occasional picture of him in People magazine. Unseen on television, not not forgotten in my heart, John. As proof, when I got my dog from my loving and doting husband... he let me name him Logan John Stamos.

And then, it happened. John got a role on one of TV's best television shows. ER. I can get my weekly dose of him, again. I can find interviews with him on daytime and latenight shows. He's more likely to be found in mindless magazines. He's everywhere!

When I find him on a latenight show, I quiet down anyone else in the room, for fear that I'll miss any hilarious or heartfelt thing John says. I laugh harder at his jokes than anyone else. Basically, I'm like a teenager on a date with her biggest crush.

I really want to meet John Stamos. However, I'm afraid that if I ever did, I would do the stupidest things and make a fool of myself. He'd probably say, "Hi." and I'd probably laugh really hard and say, "Oh gosh! I knew you'd be funny in person! You're great on latenight shows, but this! This is funny!"

Oh. John. So great.