You hardly even see pipes anymore. In my lifetime, I think I can name two times that I have seen someone with a pipe. One time, someone was driving and he had his pipe. The other time was last month. I was at one of my many favorite ice cream places with two of my many best friends. I was gleefully eating my orange cream ice cream cone, the way I do: *lick* "yum!" *lick* "yum!" *lick* "yum!" *lick* "yum!" For me, it's almost like by the time the ice cream goes down my throat and I prepare for my next lick, I've forgotten what it tastes like. So I take my next taste and am taken so much by surprise by the tastiness that I must exclaim, "Yum!" once again.
My friend, Luke, interrupted my heavenly world about two minutes into my practice by staring at me incredulously and asking, "Really?" Upon this interruption, I looked past Luke's head and saw it. A man looking distinguished with his pipe. That's when I knew that I wanted one. Without his pipe, he was just a man sitting at one of the best ice cream places in Iowa without an ice cream. With it, he was distinguished. I wanted to have educated discussions with him that involved words like, "preposterous" and, "By jove" and, like, "Socrates."
The Husband thinks this is ridiculous. For one, he points out, I don't smoke. Well of course not, and I don't see what having a pipe has to do with that. My pipe is going to be intended as an accessory. A conversation piece. I wear certain types of jewelry because they make me feel a certain way and they sometimes provoke conversation. Same with the pipe. It would make me feel distinguished and I think it might invite conversation. If anything, I've decided I would put coffee beans in it so if I were to suck on the stem of the pipe, I might taste some java. However, tobacco and I are enemies, so it is not involved with my fascination with pipes.
In his quest to prevent me from getting a pipe, my husband says that little girls look up to me. Now, I wouldn't want to encourage them to smoke, would I? Apparently, he hasn't been listening to my first argument. The pipe is not for smoking. Little girls will see me looking all intelligent with my pipe and see how creative I've been by not smoking, but holding it like the piece of art that it is. I've always made wise choices in life with the thought in my mind that a child might be looking up to me. My pipe won't be any different. In fact! In fact, I can even offer the child a swig of my coffee bean filled pipe. Maybe they shouldn't be drinking it, but they walk down the coffee aisle of the store all the time and inhale the fumes, so they can breathe it in from the stem of my pipe, right? I'm not a mom, but I think that's cool.
So, see? I'm still the good role model that I've always tried to be. Don't smoke that addictive tobaccy, kids, it'll hurt you. Instead, purchase this sweet pipe and fill it with coffee or cocoa beans! It'll make you look as cool as a pair of glasses and a scarf! Especially if you pair it with your glasses and scarf!
Kevin's initial reaction to my longing for a pipe was that women never have pipes. I realized that he was right. I've never seen a woman with a pipe. I don't know why that is, but I guess when I get a pipe, it is going to be my little ripple in the women's movement.
1 comment:
I would of never imagined you writing about wanting a pipe! I recall seeing my grandpa smoke a pipe when I was little before he passed. Now I think about it, I may have one of his pipes.
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