Take Five

Wow, I just... am the worst blogger ever! I haven't even been on here since I last wrote. Sheesh! It's that whole "sad things are happening and I don't want to write about sad stuff" problem. It's been a rough year. I keep wondering if a black cat has crossed my path or if I have walked under a ladder... all I can think of is that I walked in front of a black cat. I don't know what to make of that.

But still, I don't want to pour out The Sad on my blog. This is meant for entertaining stories or mundane thoughts that I turn into something huge. Perhaps something sentimental when I'm in the mood.

I think I would like to make an addendum to my last blog. I still felt incomplete, because, sure, a beggar yelled that I was still a good person when he asked for spare change and I pointed out that I didn't have my purse. But I hadn't done anything for him. It just made me feel validated enough to stop, turn around, and pathetically yell the most genuine, "Thank you!!"

So today, my brother and I had lunch downtown before I had to go to work and we still had another hour when we were finished. I had only drunk half of my soda and my brother wanted to go get coffee while we waited for my time for work to come. I will never turn down a chance at a latte, so since we were standing in Beggar Central and I spotted one of the regulars, I decided this was my shining moment. At first, I thought he was the beggar who feared me, then I remembered that he always wears bright clothes. This was a different one, but a regular, nonetheless. My brother knows the whole story, so I told him it was time for me, at last, to offer someone less fortunate something that I had. It took me a second to get the guts, because I didn't want to offend him, since he wasn't "on the clock" asking for anything. I also didn't want to be turned down again (Ah! Rejection!!). My brother sat back on a bench while I walked towards the man. I approached him with my soda reached out and said, "Do you want this? I'm just going to throw it away, otherwise." He said, "Yeah..." and took it then asked, "Do you have any smokes?"

So... while I finally accomplished my adolescent dream of giving something to someone who had less than I had, it really wasn't quite what I expected. Then again, I didn't really give him something nutritious or helpful, like fruit or new clothes. Just an unhealthy, half full (not half empty!!) cup of soda. But at least I didn't throw it away right there in front of a mall full of penniless people.

Maybe volunteering at a shelter would be more fulfilling than doing this on my own.