Moving Forward

I can't believe that I've been a California Girl for one year and two days.

This was Logan before we even left for our journey west, making for darn sure that I didn't leave him behind (once we were on the road, he was inside the carrier that he's sitting on).

One year ago right now, I was absolutely freaking out. I had barely found us a place to live, neither of us had a job, and the future was so unclear. I think I may have gotten a call right about now to arrange an interview at my current job and I was praying soooo hard that I'd get it... but was soooo scared that I wouldn't!

Lucky me, I was hired about a week later and started school at the end of August. Kevin and Logan took me to school and work every morning until Kevin was lucky enough to find a job later in the fall.

Everything always falls into place.

I spent my last blog entry recapping my past year... now I'm looking forward and wondering what this next year will bring?

I'm feeling more confident at work than I did basically the entire first year. So that's good.

I hope that confidence follows me to my classes. But the word is, the entire grad school experience is spent feeling like you missed a year of school that everyone else attended. So maybe I will hope for the confidence to "embrace the messy," as my professors say, and accept what I cannot control.

After my first week of school, which happens to be my birthday week, we are going to move to a new studio. I'm pretty excited. This current place has done the job, but I'm ready to leave the apartment life behind and we are moving into a private section of a house. No more noisy neighbors. No Krazy Kids running down the halls. No more urban issues that I'm done experiencing. We'll be in a decent residential neighborhood. The size of our home will be tiny, but I'm excited for the challenge to make the space into a cozy home.

And then... a year from now, who knows where we'll be? I'll be the proud recipient of a hard-earned Master's degree and hopefully employed.

But where?

June Gloom and Drive-In Theaters

Before we moved out here, I had visions of the beach life. I thought Malibu, affectionately referred to as "the 'bu" by locals, was going to be this quaint little beach town with boutiques all along the shore. I imagined parking with ease, walking on a wooden boardwalk, and spending days lounging on the sand, maybe stopping at a cute concession stand for a lemonade on occasion.

I don't know where I got this picture of a beach town. Maybe books painted it really well in my mind. Previously, I'd been to Martha's Vineyard, but I don't remember what that looks like, Virginia Beach, St. Thomas, and San Diego. Though all of these are fun places, none of them fit my expectations of Malibu (or Santa Monica or Venice)...

The drive to Malibu is amazing. The kind of beauty that a photograph can't capture, though I've tried.

The Pacific Ocean is, of course, gorgeous. It's an ocean. How do you describe the mystic beauty of an ocean without getting all cheesey and poetic?

But Malibu... The Pacific Coast Highway (PCH, if you're cool) runs all along the shore, so my visions of a quiet shore lined with boutiques were shattered. Cars park all along the highway to avoid paying the parking fees of the parking lots, so parking with ease and taking a leisurely stroll to the beach doesn't happen until winter. Neither does finding a nice little space to call your own. Although Santa Monica is more touristy and Venice is known for its zany antics, Malibu is packed. As soon as we think we've found the perfect, quiet spot to settle down, I'll roll out my towel, lay back, close my eyes for a while and when I open them, a family of five will be blinking back expectantly at me.

And this during June Gloom. 

Apparently, this time of year, clouds hover over the beaches all day and the sun doesn't peek out until early afternoon. I don't really mind this, because, this is weird to admit, but I miss rain. I miss weather. Eighty to one hundred-and-something and sunny everyday with no chance of rain or thunderstorms or wind or pixie dust or something gets old. After spending the entire school year locked up in my apartment or the library studying, I spent two weekends outside and people couldn't believe how dark my skin is.

It turns out I'm part Indian.

Anyway, this "June Gloom" in the beach towns, opposed to all sun, all the time in the valley is allegedly keeping beach-goers away until July, when we will all go to the beach– Malibu, Hermosa, Redondo, all of them– and spoon. Allegedly keeping them away.

Spoon with strangers is basically what we did last weekend. We headed to Malibu, I got settled in with my book and Kevin fell asleep. When he woke up, there was a huge, 5 feet deep hole at his feet. Teenagers were taking turns burying themselves in it while their mom sang, "Smiiiile!! Smiiiile!" at them as she took their pictures when they were neck-deep in the sand. 

I was in the mood for some old-timey fun after spending my day listening in on the details of these kids' lives, so we looked up a drive-in movie theater and found one that has not one, but four movie screens an hour and a half away. If you want, you can watch three different movies at three different screens. 

It's pretty cool. 

We packed up the puppy, loaded up on snacks from the 99 Cents store and headed out. Seriously, we loaded up on snacks. I had meant for us to buy maybe three different healthy items. Instead, we bought the three bags of dried fruits, then added boxes of candy, a bag of chips, and some chocolate. It was pretty ridiculous. Movies do that to us. It's like we were afraid we'd starve while we waited for the sun to set for the movie to begin.

We saw The Internship, which I thought was very hilarrrrious, and Now You See Me, which I thought was very dumb. But The Internship and the fact that two movies only cost $9 made up for one bad movie.

So THAT was one summer weekend in Southern California.

California Livin'

Once upon a time, I packed up and moved from the midwest to Los Angeles.

Like, from a town with a population of 20,000 (maybe 60,000 during the school year) to a metropolis with a population of something like 10-18 million.

And I mean packed. 

A year ago, I was going through our two bedroom apartment- already downsized from our three-bedroom, two-story house- and getting rid of every single thing that we had collected over the years. If it was truly something we absolutely never used, it was donated. If it was something important that we'll need at some point, like a dining table or dresser, it was sent to my mom's basement for storage. If it was something we absolutely had to have (iron, dishes, wardrobes), it was packed in the most compact manner possible. 

We fit every necessary belonging for two adults (and a puppy) into two cars. Not SUVs, not minivans. Two sedans. I am the master at packing.

A year later, I have absolutely no clue what is waiting for me at my mom's house.

Anyway, we made this move because I was accepted to grad school, which is both an incredibly exciting experience, and one of the most intimidating, intense experiences I've ever had. 

I should have been documenting my entire experience since last year. In fact, I tried to, but I'd get so scared while I started to write that I started to cry, so I stopped. Scared of the unknown. Scared of whether I could handle it. 

I wanted this adventure and I'm really excited to experience this journey. I wanted to see what was outside of the walls of the midwest and I'm finally here, seeing things I never knew was out there to see.

And now I'm ready to start documenting my adventures because I don't want to forget everything and, truth is, I have a terrible memory. I don't even know what I ate today. So I better write this stuff down before I forget it. 

So, a few highlights of my life out here so far before I move forward and write about The Present Day:

August 2012

We moved here and two days later, I had a job interview. That was just good luck. I got the job and am an editor for a marketing department. It's basically awesome.

On my birthday, we went to the Walk of Fame for the first time. I learned that you can't actually get a close view of the Hollywood sign, the way they show it in the movies... but you can see it from Hollywood Blvd, and I saw it for the first time this day.

A day or so before my birthday, we went to a taping of the Conan O'Brien show... in a way, it sort of ruined the magic of the show... but in a way, it's super surreal to think I was there. He and some of his band members were just an arms-length away from me at some points, because I had an aisle seat... it's hard to believe it.

September 2012

For The Mister's birthday, I took him mini-golfing in Sherman Oaks, mostly because I was excited that the Olsen twins were born in Sherman Oaks. 

October 2012

To get myself away from homework and into the Halloween spirit, we found a pumpkin patch. It turns out, this pumpkin patch is where celebrities who want to be seen go. It had a specific "zoo" for paparazzi to stand in and wait for celebrities to arrive, and they had to stay there to take photos of the celebrities during their visit. Selma Blair (Cruel Intentions, Legally Blonde) grabbed her toddler and pranced right up next to me to pose for the photographers. Then a man who had been photographed as her "mystery man" in the tabloids snuck in later and watched her toddler while she ran around the pumpkin patch. Actually, her toddler bumped into us and *I* apologized to her friend, but he ignored us and called the child over.

On our way out, The Mister spotted a white porsche and saw Hilary Duff step out. That was a weird day and the first time I realized that the paparazzi don't always go to the celebrities... sometimes the celebrities go to them.

November 2012

We went to a taping of The Talk. I really like hosts and had fun... maybe mostly because they gave out a lot of prizes during the breaks...

My dad visited for Thanksgiving, so I had an excuse not to study and go check out the area. We had lunch by the beach in Malibu. We checked out the pretty Christmas tree on the Walk of Fame. My favorite part was after Thanksgiving dinner, we went to Rodeo Drive and all of the stores were closed, so hardly anyone was there. Christmas music seemed to magically float down to us from the skies and the street was all lit up with Christmas lights. Best of all, the window displays were amazing AND they had the prettiest Christmas tree in the area. That was one of my favorite evenings here.

December 2012

One of the neighborhoods in the valley has a 50 year old tradition where every single house goes all out with Christmas decorations. Some have real Santas in their sleighs, some have a crazy amount of lights, like on National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation... it's a real sight to see, and The Locals all know about it and slowly cruise up and down the street with their families, so The Mister and I checked that out to get in the holiday spirit.

We also found a lesser known house decorated by a television producer. I have never seen anything like it, but he used robotics to have singing snowmen, spraying snow, a disco ball and a projected music video. When you drive past his house, you can turn your radio to a certain station to hear the songs that the snowmen are singing, or you can get out of the car and hear the songs from the speakers in his yard. It was spectacular.

January 2013

Honestly, all I remember about this month is returning to school, but I think we may have visited beaches just because we could.

Oh, we did go to the Grammy Museum... the highlight of that was all the instruments and equipment you get to play with. Since we went on a weekday, I didn't feel too bad for spending time on this stuff that I'm sure was intended for teens and children...

February 2013

Hmm... I can't remember right now what we did for Valentine's Day. It could have been hiking in Malibu, which is too pretty for words...

March 2013

My best friend since middle school came for a visit and I used that as an excuse to go to a taping of Jay Leno and a TMZ tour- I got T-shirts from both and wear them proudly. Jay Leno was pretty neat. While I wouldn't say I'm a huge fan of his TV show, he was a gracious host and spoke to the audience before the show and seem to have fun with it. I also danced a lot during the breaks until the audience-warm-up guy called me over and handed me a shirt. ::highlight::

We stumbled upon the premiere for Game of Thrones on Hollywood Blvd, which was pretty awesome. I don't know any of the actors, but I still could have stared at their arrivals for hours.

April 2013

This month was really all about school, but one day each weekend was spent either going to the beach or hiking. In one weekend, we came across two or three video shoots. *that* was random

May 2013

My sister-in-law came to visit and we made another trip to Hollywood Blvd to check out the attractions. One of the staples of the Walk of Fame is all of the people dressed as characters. I saw a documentary that followed the men dressed as Superman, Batman, the Incredible Hulk, and the woman dressed as Wonder Woman and it was a really interesting glimpse into their lives. On this day, we actually saw the Superman who was in this documentary. I was nerdily starstruck.

At the last minute, we got tickets to Wango Tango, which features all of my favorite artists from the Top 40s stations, like Maroon 5, Bruno Mars, Demi Lovato, Jason Derulo... seven hours of amazing pop music madness. I was in heaven.

(that's Adam Levin... ow!)

On my campus, there was a film shoot for a movie called Transcendence starring Morgan Freeman and Johnny Depp that is set to release next year. I never know about these things until they are on campus... In January, American Idol filmed their Hollywood auditions, then I guess they were back for more filming in February. 

And now it is June... I'm actually going back home in a week, so this is a silly time to try to write about my life as a California Girl, but I'll do what I can.

Keeping Up

So I've added a few more dresses to my collection to send out. But right now, the sewing machine and I are fighting.

I love the machine (A 2263 Singer. Or "Singer. Simple."). But the one annoyance is that it is REALLY touchy about thread in the bobbin area. So, like, if I get off track somehow and, liiiiiike, sew off of the fabric 'cause I'm too close the edge and mess things up on the bobbin side (I'm new. This happens) I have to cut the bobbin thread out and that's all fine and dandy. But then, for reasons I don't understand, the machine gets confused after that. Then I will discover that there are tiny pieces of thread that I didn't notice the first time I cleaned the Bobbin Cave out. So I'll get out the ol' tweazers and clean out every little bit that I didn't see the first time. But THEN, apparently the last time, I still missed something, because I went to sew (finally on a scrap piece of fabric 'cause I was starting to ruin the arm hole of a dress) and the needle just gets stuck because it starts to collect a bazillion pieces of bobbin threads.

I know this is way boring for someone who doesn't sew. Sorry! And probably doesn't make sense even if you do.

Anyway, the point is, I'm fighting with the machine right now. I was this-close to being done with my sixth dress and dreaming of what to do for the seventh and that happened on Friday. So tomorrow, I'll get back on the horse and figure this out. I'm just afraid it is going to involve a tool.

Like... a screwdriver. I mean, I like using tools, but I'd rather be making something if I'm going to get the toolbox out than cleaning out the Bobbin Cave.

Alas, I'm pretty sure I know what I'm doing (thanks to the combination of Google and the Owner's Manual). So tomorrow, I will end the fight and fix things and continue with dresses.

But I'm also really eager to make a li'l somethin' for myself. I'm not sure what. I'm an avid user of Pinterest.com and have collected a lot of ideas on there, but I have a lot of ideas just formulating in the ol' noggin that I'd like to try out.

What I like about sewing, for me, is that I allow myself mistakes. For so many other things in many other aspects of life, I am uptight and afraid to make mistakes because they will effect other people. But when I sew, I just let it all go. Little mistakes can be fixed. And if a finished product doesn't work out (like my first attempt at a shirt for me... yikes!) it's just a lesson learned and doesn't hurt anyone. I love that feeling. Ommmmmm (<~ my relaxed sound)

In other news, I'm super DUPER excited that my camera's battery charger has emerged from its hiding place! I don't like posting without pictures. And I don't like posting fuzzy photos. The battery is currently charging, so I have no photos of great interest to post right now.

Can't wait til I do!

Random Reminiscence

I was just reading through some old posts and see that I have mentioned my issue with sleep. I have been trying so hard to overcome it, but tonight, I was just lying there and just got fed up. So, even though I know it's bad to stare at a lit up screen and expect your brain to settle down, I am here...

Certainly sharing some anecdote of some kind will inevitably bore me enough to crawl back to bed.

The weather is unseasonably warm these days, which I have no qualms about. But I haven't actually done anything to go out and enjoy the weather for several weeks. I was just reminiscing about the last time I did go outside and explore.

One of my most favorite things to do is grab my dog, hop in the car, and get lost outside of the city limits. Most times, I think I am heading for some state park that I'm vaguely aware of, and we end up at some little-known hiker's paradise where I just love to let myself bask in the beauty of nature, as cliche as that sounds. Each day goes by and I can get so caught up in work and the goings-on of people around me that I don't leave time to just stop and appreciate the small beauty around us like I used to. So at the risk of sounding cheesy, I admit that I do love to find wooded trails and walk slowly 'cause I want to be aware of the smallest beautiful detail that someone walking briskly by might not notice.


I think I learned this appreciation from Grampa. While he didn't live on farm, he owned farms and one in particular was a gorgeous tree farm that he liked to tromp on every Thursday. It had a cave, creek, ponds, oak and walnut trees, prairie fields, and wildlife if we sat quietly long enough to see them. I always missed the turkeys, but I saw lots of beautiful deer. He liked to stop his truck in the middle of a field, pop open Pepsis for the two of us and just sit in silence to take in the beauty around us. And every single time, he acted like it was the first time he was seeing it all.
"Isn't this just something?" he'd say in awe, everything single time.

And I'd look with him, at the different shades of blue in the sky, the different shapes of clouds. Then the way the blue met the sharp greens of the distant trees and how the various shades of green trees slowly became prairie grass. Then see how the breeze gently made the grass dance and notice how soothing the breeze was on my skin, 'cause we *usually* went on a humid summer day.

One time, we were sitting by a pond, closer to the timber on a fall day. It was that time of year when the oak trees look like cozy little bonfires with their oranges, yellows and reds and the air is so crisp on your nose and cheeks. I was taking in the reflection of the trees in the pond and Grampa showed me how there were slight ripples moving in one direction and then would suddenly change and go in the other direction. He told me it was caused by the movement of the biggest fish swimming in the pond.

We listened to all of the leaves brush against each other in the breeze, a soothing sound like a mother hushing her baby to lull it to sleep. We hoped a deer would glide out from the timber to enjoy a treat from a salt block that was sitting out for it, so we stayed pretty quiet while we took in our surroundings.

It was so relaxing and it's what I look for now when I take my dog for a trip to escape the city limits. And it's what I found the last time I attempted and came upon some trail that I've already forgotten the name of.

But I was looking at these pictures and remembered what a pretty day it was and how I could feel Grampa with me that day. :)

Sew Cool!

::Edit 6/15/13: I discovered all of my photos for this entry were no longer up. :( So this entry may make less sense than it originally did. Sorry!::

I spent my afternoon making another dress for Little Dresses for Africa and had a much easier time with the pillow case dress.

I am the amateur of amateurs and combined the knowledge of several sites claiming to have "the easiest directions" for the pillow case dress, so I decided to put everything together that I learned and put it here for a One Stop Easy Shop on how to make this dress. If you are using a yard of fabric, not a pillowcase.

The biggest bulk of my instructions are from eHow.

However, for the length, I got my info from the Little Dresses site, that I link up in my first sentence.

So, from shoulder to hem, the size goes aaaaas follows:

Small = 2, 3, and 4 (16-22 inches long)

Medium = 5, 6, and 7 (24-28 inches long)

Large = 8,9, and 10 (30-34 inches long)

X-Large - size 11 and above (anything over 35 inches long)

I wanted today's dress to be for a large size, so I made sure it was 34 in final length.

Now, here is a secret I learned after last night's dress that you will not find in the tutorials. Everyone else says, if you aren't using a pillow cause, begin by sewing your sides together.

Not me.

As The Amateur of Amateurs, I found this waaaaaaaay easier by sewing the side of the dress up toward the end.

My first step was folding up the fabric and cutting out the arm holes.
Um... that is a little smaller than I intended. But it gets my point across. Fold in half once, and you have the width of your dress. Fold in half again and cut 2inches in and 4 inches down from the "raw" corner (not the beautifully folded one!). Make sure you cut through all four layers of fabric!

For toddlers, you should cut 1.5 inches in and 3 inches down.

 I took the 2in/4in as a suggestion and since my dress in intended for grown girl, I cut 3 and 5. The beauty of this dress is that it's all easily adjustable by the girl when she ties the ribbon in the end ::sigh of relief::

Once that was cut, I didn't even use pins to sew it up. I just folded down as little fabric as I could and went to town.

My second step was the bottom hem. Because I knew I was making this for a tall girl, I made a small hem.


NOTE: When it comes to how much I sew at hems, I use measurements loosely. As long as it's straight, I'm happy.

Next was the part that I was SO not getting in the tutorials last night. Maybe I was sleepy. I don't know.
We are back at the neckline. First, you need to fold the edge down just a tad to it is nice and pretty. If you insist on a measurement, then sew 1/4". So do that on both sides.
Then, this is where I kept getting lost, because no one spoke Amateur Talk. Now you fold *again* and this is the "tunnel" where you will slide the ribbons through.

Do you realize how much searching it took for me to understand that?
Anyway, personally, my way of measurement for this was folding it over my thumb and making it super snug. The actual measurement it supposed to be 5/8 of an inch.

So this photo shows the "before" and "after" of that instruction. In front, you see how I have sewn the 1/4, but haven't pinned it, yet, for my ribbon's tunnel. In the back, you see that it is pinned and ready for me to sew the tunnel!


The ribbon.
I love the finished look, but I HATE threading the ribbon through!! And since I'm new to this, I'm lacking in tools, so I don't have a safety pin to attach to the ribbon to help thread it through.

So I got creative. I wrapped the ribbon around a pen and pushed the pen through my tunnel (why isn't it called a tunnel, really?")


And THEN....

The dress was done!!:::sigh:::
I'll be happy when I find my camera's charger.

PS I think it's only fair to plug a REAL talent, in case you happened upon my site in search of handmade clothes for little ones.
Take a look at Sweet Bug Designs for precious handmade clothing!

Sew Much Better

::edit 6/15/13 I discovered my photographs were no longer displaying, so this may not make as much sense...::

I'm going to use "sew" in place of "so" until everyone is sick and tired of it.

I just had the Grandma-est New Year. I totes mcgotes spent it sewing. The night was all mine, free to do absolutely anything I wanted... go to a party, find friends who were out, have dinner with my bestie, stay in all night and do everything that I love doing when I'm alone-- listen to 90s pop, make up silly dances (not gonna lie, it's what I do when no one is watching), read, play Wii, watch cheesey movies, watch my new Britney Spears concert on blu ray...

... Britney made it into my blu ray player. But I stayed in my office and sewed.

Granted, I do have a purpose this month. When I first mentioned on Facebook that I have a sewing machine, one of my former coworkers told me about a cause for which I can sew clothing for children. Easy dresses for little girls and shorts for little boys. It's called Little Dresses for Africa. The dresses and shorts have been donated to 31 countries in Africa as well as Honduras, Cambodia, Philippines, Mexico and Haiti. AND they are currently being sent here in the states to places in the Appalachian Mountains and South Dakota. Now that I think of it, South Dakota could use warmer clothes than dresses...

Anyway, the point is that my resolution has been to be a part of big causes each month this year. A couple of years ago, I started to become more active in a few causes and it felt amazing. At that point, it was just on my Life List to be a part of something much bigger than me. Welp, I'm addicted. It's true that the little things, like a dollar donated to St. Jude's while you're shopping, help. But it feels soooo good to really spend time helping someone in need. Whether it's doing something silly and fun, like raising money through the Polar Plunge, or making these dresses. Those little people are facing hardships that I've never known and when I was making the one dress this evening, it felt cool to think that something I was creating was going to travel and provide smiles to a little girl somewhere. Something as simple as a dress.

I'm getting rambly. Obviously, it is late.

But I wanted to share what I made. Be gentle. It's my first attempt at a dress! I imagine it'll fit a small 6-ish year old.

Again, the photo quality is horrendous... it'll be a beautiful day when my camera charger emerges. ::sigh::

This is what the fabric looks like (except more vibrant and not so orangey)


And this is the dress :)

Okay. It's true. I'm proud of it. And have a really cute fabric for the next one, which I'll probably size for a girl who is closer to age 9.


Happy 2012! I hope your NYE was less Grandma-y than mine, but equally enjoyable!

Fresh Start

I am on Facebook nearly every day.

Due to popular demand (?), I am trying to be on Twitter more often. By "popular demand," I mean friends kept talking about it, and my curiosity got the better of me, so I check it at least once a week and try to put something clever on there.

I became a Pinterest Addict for a while and had to simmer down, because I was pinning more projects and ideas than I could even recall, and I would like to actually *do* the things that I was pinning.

But I have completely ignored this blog. Which is just a bummer. I like reading other people's blogs. I like writing.

So we'll see if I can try to come here at least once a week with some story. I should have plenty to talk about.

I've really been into crafts lately. Really, I've always been into art and creating something super-cool out of something totally mundane. But lately, I've really been into creating cool t-shirts, skirts, scarves or purses out of old ugly t-shirts and sweaters. So I should take the extra step of taking photos and document what I do on here. I even got a sewing machine for Christmas so my stuff will look EXTRA cool and be even MORE fun to make!

I'm totes excited.

Yes, I said totes.

On top of that, I am really excited about a gift that I got that is called Boom Boom Cards. Essentially, it is a stack of nearly 30 cards, each with an act of kindness written on them. I need to do each of the nice things (for example, buy a cup of coffee for a stranger) and then register the card online at boomboomcards.com , tell my story about that specific act of kindness, then find someone to give the card to who I know will do it and register the card and pass it on to someone else.... you see? So then we can track these cards online and see who they touch and follow their stories.

I think it's pretty awesome! Most of the acts are simple things that I like to THINK I do daily or have done before. Put change in someone's empty parking meter. Ignore the cell phone during a conversation (I never answer if I'm out with friends, unless we're expecting another friend to join us). Hold the door open every time I have the opportunity.

Then there is one that I'm really excited about, because I always *think* about doing it, but never have. "Write a letter to that teacher or mentor who inspired, motivated or transformed you; thank them for their influence on your life." Since I was, like, 15 I've wanted to write letters to my most influential teachers and then assumed they wouldn't remember me. But now I figure, what does it matter if they remember me? What matters is that I remember them and they spent their life devoting their time to students. I should let them know it mattered to someone. So that will be fun. Then I'll need to find someone who I know will do it AND will register the card AND will pass it on to someone... I feel like that will be the hardest part!

Dog Days of Summer

While I sort of understand while we say "the dead of winter," I don't really get why we say "the dog days of summer."

oh. I just looked it up on wikipedia and I got told.

Here is my summary. Hold on to your seat because it is about to get complicated in here. Once upon a time, there were Romans and they liked stars. And there was a star that, in their language, was called the Dog Star and it was the brightest star, after the sun. Way back in those days, when this here Dog Star rose right before the sun (which doesn't happen anymore), the Romans called that time the Dog Days AND this happened during the summer and was, liiiike, way totally hot.

the end.

Anyway, I absolutely, positively, undoubtedly despise winter. Specifically "the dead of winter," when it is so cold my eyes freeze shut (not joking), there is no green except for those there deciduous trees, no pretty smells outside, my fingertips are freezing under my many layers of clothes, the temperature is 0 and but it feels like negative 50 with the windchill (still not joking) and the snow drifts are nearly my height (still not making this up).I hate that the sun comes up late and goes down early. I don't like that it's so slick that everyone falls all the time and even my dog wants to take care of his personal business on the front steps. Ew, and I have to scrape snow and ice off my care and the windows fog up on the way to work.

ew ew ew!!

THAT is why I am in heaven, even during the dog days of summer. Give me 90% humidity. Give me heat advisories and 110 temperatures. I'm okay with this! I have a pool to jump into. My hair is naturally wavy, I'll deal with the beauty quirks. It's better than trying to deal with hat head in the winter. It smells sweet like grass outside. Birds and bugs are making beautiful sounds that I could sit and listen to for hours. I feel so alive in this weather, even if it gets so extreme.

Obviously, I do prefer a 77 degree, partly cloudy day. Good for a t-shirt, jeans and sandals. Great for a walk so I can appreciate the beautiful plants that have bloomed.

But you will NOT find me complaining about the worst of summer. Because I remember all too well what winter brings and I do. not. like. it.
at. all.

Creative Juices

I can't remember if I already mentioned this, though I suspect I have. My pal introduced me to 365project.org, a site where you upload one photo a day for a year to document your life. It's fun to do and it's a lot of fun to peruse other people's photos.

I am having a great time letting my creative juices flow on this project. There have been days when I've just quickly snapped a photo, uploaded it and slapped it on the website to give insight into what I did that day. But then there are days when I'm feeling a little artsy and put some creative effort into my photograph. I don't have a fancy camera and I don't have fancy editing equipment, like other users. It'd be fun if I could play with PhotoShop or something. But I do use picnik.com to play with the colors and fading and things. It is interesting what a big difference a tiny change can make in a picture.

I absolutely love the feeling that comes from doing something creative. It reminds me of the college days when I had to create films and write articles for journalism classes. It was nice to have projects to do and present to other people who could think critically about them.

So... that's what makes me tick. Being creative. This project doesn't serve a purpose other than being fun for me and providing something that I can look back on when a year passes, but it sure is exciting!

I hope you'll take a look and comment!


http://365project.org/mmade/365

So Tired!

The good news is, my illness is being treated. I used to feel sick daily, even though I was feeling better. And feeling sick so much led to me feeling sleepy and napping all the time.

Now, though, I'm very energetic. I want to be out and doing things all the time to make up for the 6ish years that I was dragging my feet or bedridden. It's pretty great, overall. It'd be even better if I put a big percentage of this energy towards cleaning my house and other chores. But I've been more involved in the community, getting out with friends, checking off more things on my Life List... things are fun these days.

The problem is that I just can not sleep! I've been working longer days than I'm used to, then going out and I'm exhausted. But I come home and unwind, read a book, turn the lights off when my eyes feel droopy.... and I lay there. I stretch my legs, I change positions, I fluff up my pillow... nothing works. For several nights, I've been laying there until somewhere around 3 AM. The latest has been 4, and that was on a day when I had to be awake at 8 with two commitments after work.

Despite the little sleep that day, I was chipper and had fun.

But now, seriously. The lack of sleep is getting frustrating. On the outside, I'm okay. People have been giving me compliments on my positive attitude and how they enjoyed visiting the library because I was so chipper and nice. But I'm so exhausted on the inside!

I just want some sleep!!

To curl up in my bed, under my amazing fuzzy blanket, my tiny dog cozied up on my side and to fall in a nice, deep, satisfying sleep.

Smiliest in the Whole World

I like to start my work mornings by grabbing coffee from one of the many coffee places by my workplace. Lately, it has been the bakery department at the market. I love that their iced coffee has frozen coffee as ice instead of just ice. Yum! You should also know that they put in the perfect amount of caramel and leave exactly the right amount of space for cream. Perfection.

Well, today I stopped in and the cashier who served me asked if I worked at the library. I confirmed that I did and she raved, "You're desk is the smiliest desk in the whooole world! It's so great!"
That's probably the one thing I hear most often about myself. That I am always smiling. It was nice to hear someone notice that our whole department is happy and to appreciate it!

So now I've decided to make my coworkers at the other desks feel inferior by bragging about this. Before we know it, we're going to be creeping people out by being too smiley.

Not much for changes

My grandparents' house will soon be sold.

My grandmother now lives in assisted living and there is no need for the house. It is just weird to imagine my family without that house in the picture. I didn't realize everything that it represents. The last happy time I spent there, I was looking at my cousins and their children and thinking about how the house has belonged to my grandparents for over 40 years. Every one of us, from our parents down to the littlest child of my cousin, has played with toys in the living room or swung on the last bar by the steps in the basement.

We've all sat on this rock, something my grandpa had hauled home one day from his quarry.


I took a moment to just sit on that rock and think. I haven't "played" in their yard for maybe 14 years and I had forgotten things, like how that rock actually sparkles. Of course, this picture won't do it justice. But my mind looks at it and sees all sorts of metaphors.


I remember visiting before I lived in the same town and playing all the way at the bottom of the hill in the backyard. There was always a creek back there and a stone wall that I thought was really tall. When I went down there as a teenager, there was no creek and the wall hardly goes to my knee. I went down there today, of course, and there was a nice creek again.

That house watched our parents become teenagers and adults. It watched them build families of their own and we have all filled it up with laughter and chatter on holidays. It saw all of us cousins go from babies to adults and have babies of their own. It held tons of ping-pong tournaments and pool games. All of us kids have bellied up to the bar in the basement for Pepsi. We've all run in to the screened in back porch after spending a humid summer night collecting lightning bugs. I introduced my Grampa to my first boyfriend (now my husband) at that house. I've had difficult moments and happy moments in that home.

It was in the family for about 45 years. I hope that the next family keeps it for a long time and enjoys creating the infinite number of memories like we have.

Sweet Corn

*drool*
I had good ol' locally grown Iowa sweet corn yesterday. And THAT is an experience, not just a vegetable. I forget that every year.

You have to get the perfect ears of corn, or the whole experience is wrong. With the right corn, you don't even have to add salt or pepper. Maybe just a dab of butter. The kernels are fairly small and pop into your mouth when your teeth just barely touch them. It has just the right sweet flavor to it. Just reliving the three cobs that I ate last night is making me drool.

I've had regular ol' corn on the cob. It's fine. It tastes, y'know... cornish. The kernels are sort of mushy when you bite them off and it tastes best when you slather on butter and dash salt and pepper on. And even this corn is found in Iowa.
But, not last night. When I was in the middle of my euphoria, nibbling delicately on my cob, savoring each bite that popped into my mouth, I wondered why I ever felt annoyed at the notion that people stereotype Iowans as hicks who live on farms. I'm proud of our farmers! They work hard (understatement) all year and despite the difficult weather we've had this year.... somebody provided me with that amazing, sweeeeet, juicy corn on the cob.

A Play in a Day (cont)

This weekend was TOO BUSY for me to post, but I have definitely not forgotten a thing about my experience!

At the request and persistence of my cousin, I will finish describing my participation in the All In A Day Play Festival. It was definitely a day I don't want to forget.

So we four actors, two other girls (ages 16 and 23) and a man, were told by our director to dress in really casual clothes for our day of rehearsing. He likes to use acting exercises during rehearsals, so he wanted us to be as comfortable as possible.

While I like mornings, I do take a while to wake up, so I grabbed some iced coffee from Starbucks at 7:30 and met my group in the basement of a library. As the director had warned us, we read through the play once and then performed what we remembered, which was pretty disastrous. We had a little scare when we got to a part where the man was supposed to carry one of the girl's in. She was tall and slim, but he'd had shoulder surgery and was overcompensating a bit and ended up pulling his back muscle. He was in a lot of pain for a bit. So I was nervous that we'd just barely gotten started and one of our actors was already injured!

However, he stretched it out, took an ibuprofen and was in good shape for the rest of our morning. We worked on the first half of the play with scripts in hand all morning, focusing mainly on blocking. Blocking, for you non-theater types, is deciding where and when the actors walk/stand. Blocking is a great helper for memorization, too. When we rehearsed as though we were on stage, the lines came to us better. When we rehearsed while sitting in a group, we fumbled through our lines.

By the end of the morning, I was getting the gist of the play. We started by having a girl sit in the dark with only a flashlight pointing at the audience. She told a story of a scorned lover who haunted the area where she and her friends were currently camping. Only.... two of her friends had been missing for a few hours and all of them had been lost for three days. After her story, the lights came up and she and the one friend who was with her began to argue because they were stressed and personalities were clashing. THEN they were discovered by a ranger, just as a storm was a'brewin'. As he insisted that they pack up while he and others continued looking for their friends.................

My character screamed a blood curdling scream and came a'runnin', jabbering about how the friend SHE was lost with had been taken by "something." We can assume ghosts. My character freaks out and drives one of the other girls so mad that she runs off and the ranger chases after her. Then my character and the other friend chat about what I witnessed and what her feelings are about the campground. AND THEN.... OUR FRIEND IS DRAGGED BACK DEAD. *gasp*

So THEN I freak my freak and run off, the remaining friends freaks out on the ranger and there is an artsy end where we can only assume the girl sees the ghosts. Lights out, only the flashlight remains.

All right, so we spent our morning figuring out the play and blocking. We took an hour break to do what we wanted and memorize lines. I grabbed food with Kevin and had him run lines with me. At that point, I didn't think I'd ever memorize my part. I was starting to wonder what I got myself into.

We reconvened and met in a bigger, more private room at the library. The two girls who opened the play were encouraged to really become their characters. To become emotional and really let the emotions come out. To aid in this, the director did a neat exercise where they had to push their hands together and push against each other while they said their lines. This created more tension and showed all of us how the scene needed to slowly rise in tension. It was cool to watch.

As we worked on the scene that I entered, the director saw that I was holding back, too. Which is funny, because that's one of the biggest things that I look for when I'm critiquing a play. While I needed to get all up in an actress's business and really yell at her, I had a tendency to keep space between us, even when I needed to shake her shoulders and *gasp* swear at her.

That's right. I had to swear TWICE in this play. That was a huge deal for me. But we'll get back to that.

We did a few exercises to help get me past that point and ALL up in the girl's business. The most hilarious exercise was when he told me my "text" was the girl's name. Then he told me to close my eyes and pulled the girl aside. A minute later, the girl was in my year and yelled, at the top of her lungs, "HEY!!!!!" I decided to have a funny reaction and just quietly say her name. And she yelled, "WHAT'S UP?!?!!!!!" And I just quietly said her name again.

That was absolutely not the point of the exercise and I didn't get that. The director just looked at me and said he has never seen that before. That the purpose is to react the way one generally would when someone yells at them. Then I realized I don't really know how I would naturally react if someone yelled in my ear like that, besides scream.

So, because I FAILED at that attempt, I was to close my eyes, again. This time, the girl came up and pinched my butt.

Yes, I met her fewer than 24 hours before and we were now pinching butts. I couldn't even get her name out, then. I laughed so hard I had tears in my eyes.

After another exercise, I was getting the point and hopefully it came out in my performance. I received compliments, but you never know if it is people being kind or 100% truths. I just know that I did my best. It has been ten years since I've acted, I've never had this many lines, and it was a "serious" role, not a humorous one, which would have been way easier. Acting so upset was different, but a lot of fun. Especially screaming. :)

Oh, and the swearing. At one point, we tossed the F word into my script and I was beside myself. I don't know that I've actually ever said it out loud, honestly. I blushed when I found out I was going to have to say it and when I rehearsed it, I used it wrong in the sentence and ended up saying something REALLY degrading, instead of just sounding hysterical and angry. YIKES!
However, in the end, we took it out. But I did have to say The A and the D. Still a big deal for this girl. ha!!

So we spent a few hours rehearsing and got to the point that we had at least one clean run-through without our scripts and it was time for us to take one more break before our one and only tech rehearsal at the "big deal" theater where we were performing.

Our rehearsal there was okay, but we still weren't sounding very natural. So we spent more time sitting in the coolest room EVER that I didn't even know existed that was located above the theater, sitting around a table, "line bashing." This made me both more nervous AND more settled.

On one hand, I kept messing my lines up while everyone else seemed to be improving. On the other hand, we were spotting my weak points, and the cast was so sweet and said that they had my back and knew how to pick it up if I forgot anything on stage.

So.... finally, it was show time. We had a cute little dressing room, complete with the mirror surrounded by lights, below the stage. I liked imagining that Kris Allen had been there just weeks before (!!). We watched two shows, then we got ready below the stage. I went through my lines with everyone a couple more times, and also just in my head. It was finally feeling more and more natural.

The group before us was on stage, so we decided to climb up the stairs to the stage and wait. As I climbed the steps, I took a deep breath and just took in the moment and the interesting thing was... it had the same smell as the stage that I acted on in high school. I don't know how to describe it and I don't know what it is. If it's hints of woodwork that has been used for previous shows? Or something about the brick? It's sort of like walking into a school and how it always smells the same the first week when students return. Anyway, it took me back.

I was a little bit nervous. When we watched the opening of the show, the emcees said that this was the biggest crowd to have attended the event. They didn't even have enough programs for everyone. That freaked me out a little, but I told myself to just live in the moment. If I didn't, I would totally screw up my lines. So I didn't think about the audience or even look at them. I just waited for my cue and did what I had been doing all day long, only better.

I only messed my lines up at the very end of my part, but the girl in that scene with me was a great actress and was listening to what I was saying and responded well, so no one would know that I said the wrong things. They made sense, they just weren't the right words.

The rest of the cast did a wonderful job. They were incredible, no one messed up and... as a result... our director won the Best Director award. I was super proud of him because he definitely deserved it. He had a lot on his plate. It was not an easy play. And he just got out of college this spring.

Everyone else in the festival did a wonderful job and the other awards, best ensemble and best writer (won by my friend!) were very well deserved.

It was such a crazy day, but it was an experience that I really enjoyed! It was one of a kind, that's for sure!

A Play in a Day

So my city has a great event called All In A Day Play Festival. This is the third year that it is being done and as someone who is involved in the theater community here through critiquing, I decided to get on the other side and give acting a shot. I haven't been on the stage for ten years, but I love the thrill of it and miss it. I just haven't auditioned because I haven't wanted to commit all of the time that goes into a play in the last few years... but this experience might make me change my mind.

Today was Phase 1- getting into our groups and discovering what our plays would be about.

I walked into our meeting place and felt the nerves rise. For me, nerves basically fuel my hyper-bone. They make me more social and excitable. I was surprised to see that the room full of actors seemed really timid and quiet until they saw people they already knew.

I placed my name, written on a slip of paper, into an envelope and had a seat while I surveyed the follow actors/writers/directors. I waited for two of my pals to join and in a half hour, it was time for the fun to begin.

The first step- joining directors with writers. Six directors drew the name of a writer out of a bowl.
The second step- discovering their genres and then the third step of discovering the setting.
In the end, the plays ended up as the following... we'll see if I can remember all six...
A tragic beach party.
A noir cast party.
A slapstick game show.
A western road trip.
A mystery/suspense at a campsite.
And I'm forgetting one. argh!

All of these also have a trope... something that must take place either throughout the play or at some point in the play. While I have already forgotten what the trope is in my play, I remember that one play has to involve an group hug in which one person is hesitant to join in. Another play, I think the road trip, will involve someone whose random trivial knowledge will finally be useful. I think another has an overbearing mother. I love those parts!

Once we placed the directors and writers together, they discovered how many actors they had and drew our names. I was placed with the mystery at the campsite group.

I really enjoy my fellow actors, the writer and the director! I've seen the writer act before AND I remember watching the play that he wrote last year for this festival and enjoyed it. I think he'll cook up something really great.

For tonight, we got together and started getting the creative juices going. We introduced ourselves and the writer asked questions... can we sing? can we dance? can we do gymnastics of any sort? Do we scream? My favorite part was when he and the director asked if we could scream. It used to be a hard thing for me to do, but now I use screaming as a way to make my friends laugh... like if a good song comes on, I'll scream as if Justin Timberlake actually just walked in the room. So I said, "Oooh yeah, I can scream" and asked if they wanted me to do it. They said yes, so I did. Then they asked me to make it longer and I did. Then I worried because no one ran to save me. haha But I also noticed that I smiled the whole time. If I scream in the play, I need to remember to stay serious... I always smile... must. stay. in. character.

The director wanted us to do an exercise so he and the writer could get an idea of who we are, as people and as actors, and so we could get comfortable with each other. He gave us five minutes to come up with a camping story, real or made up, to tell each other, however we wanted to tell it. I decided to tell a story about the first time I took my dog camping, from my dog's perspective.
I used the voice that I use when I speak to my puppy, a raspy squeaky voice. And I made him imitate me and talk about how annoyed he gets when I treat him like a baby. I had him talk about how weird he thinks it is that we slept in an outdoor kennel and he called sleeping bags really large socks. I felt good that I got laughs from my fellow actors and the director.

So now, the writer will be up aaaaall night long, creating our play. We will meet tomorrow at 8 AM and get started! We'll start with a read-through, then try to act it out right away to see what we remember. Then we'll block and take it from there!

This is so nerve-wracking and exciting, all at once!! I hope I can really become my character and get my lines down!!

Pictures speak volumes

I love photos. Like, LOOOOOVE photos. In high school, I was the girl with her camera capturing every moment and creating silly photo albums so I'd remember everything about what I did with my friends in our extra curricular activities and free time.

And when I'm with a group of people, like a family gathering or a wedding, most of my photos have a purpose to them. I like for them to tell a story. I don't know anything fancy about lighting or pixels or other things. I just like to catch people in candid moments or frame the photo just right.

And I love to look at pictures. I like to get lost in them and I like how they evoke emotions. My grandpa took photos as a hobby and I adore his pictures. He actually knew what he was doing, so they're very pretty. My favorite picture of his is of a squirrel sitting on a table eating from a cob of corn. Every time I look at it, I can create a new story. That squirrel thinks he's people.

Today I learned about 365Project.org. It's a project aiming to document one year of your life through photos. A photo a day. I love this idea. There are so many ways to go about doing this. For instance, mothers could choose to take photos of their children and see exactly how much they've grown, physically and intellectually, in the year.
Fashionistas might want to challenge themselves to go a whole year without wearing the exact same outfit by changing up how they layer their clothes and accessorize. They can take pictures of how creative they get.
Walkers could document interesting things they see each day on their routes.
The ideas are endless and ridiculously interesting to me. Just as I love reading blogs to see what different lives are like, from happily married couples with kids to young college kids just starting their freshman year, I'm excited to do this project AND see how my friend's project develops.

I've decided that my photos will be a summary or highlight of my day. But I started with a photo that I thought told a little bit about myself.
http://365project.org/mmade/365

I won't tell what I plan to take a picture of tomorrow because I also plan to talk about it on here!

I see the moon and the moon sees me

Another day, another attempt.

First, I think I was just lazy and didn't make time for this blog.

Then, I intentionally stopped writing.

Then, I completely forgot I had this.

Well, that needs to stop. I want to write regularly. My friend told me to force myself to write everyday on here, then look back in a month and see what seems to be my theme. I shall take his advice.

Yes, it is 3 in the morning. I don't really like sleeping at night. I don't particularly like sleeping during the day, either, especially since I'm usually working or otherwise occupied.

Sleep and I have always been enemies. One of my earliest memories is being tucked in at a reasonable hour by my parents. They would read to me, we would say my bedtime prayer, I would be all cozy in my pajamas in my humongous bed and they'd turn off the lights and shut the door until just a tiny bit of light cast itself onto my floor. It was the perfect way to unwind in the perfect atmosphere.

But I wasn't having it. As soon as I heard their grown up feet walk out of the hall that separated my room from theirs, I would climb out of bed and walk over to my window. I was about 2 or 3, but I liked looking out my window and up at the moon, contemplating what I knew of life. Mainly, these thoughts involved how much fun I had playing with my next door neighbor and wondering if he also had to be in bed at 8. I looked at how my yard looked blue-ish in the moon's light and thought of the fun I'd had playing in that yard all day. I thought about daddies and mommies and how comforting they were. Those are the thoughts I remember having at 2 and 3 when I wasn't ready for bed. Eventually, looking at the moonlit yard became tiresome and I would crawl into my big bed, cover myself with my yellow duvet and fall asleep.

It's not as easy these days. I will read my book. I will say my prayer. I will turn out the light and wiggle around in bed. And then I'm still awake. I don't really wonder what my neighbors are doing, unless I hear their shower come on. Then I wonder why they are up as late as me. I don't stare at the moon unless my dog asks me to take him outside. But the moon doesn't seem to settle things for as long as it used to. It calms my pulse while I look at it. The act of looking at it does seem to make my hair blow back and cause my breathing to slow down. When I gaze at it and wonder how many people are doing the same at that moment, I can suddenly hear the sounds of nature that I couldn't hear before and my nerves seem more alive, feeling the air around me in a way it didn't seconds ago.

But the moment my eyes leave the moon, reality comes back to me. It used to seem that the moon took whatever worries my 3-year-old self had that kept me from wanting to sleep and held onto them for the night. The moon doesn't do that anymore.

Shame on the moon.

Simple Things- Chocolate Chip Cookies!!

I am OH so thankful for homemade chocolate chip cookies with extra chocolate chips, fresh out of the oven so the chips are still melting when you split the cookie apart. The simple things in life are what bring me the most joy and that is one of them. The cookie is soooo warm and comforting, chocolate is my favorite sweet and when it is melted it is OH so tasty. This treat always brings a smile to my face.

I'm craving it, just thinking about it!!

My Health

I've had a rough time with the ol' health since I hit my 20s, but things seem to be working themselves out. With the help of my VNS and working (a lot) with meds, I think I'm getting to a point where I remember what normal feels like.

The rough patch was awful, to say the least. Above all else, it was emotionally draining. But the best part about the hard times in life is that you grow stronger from them. So I am thankful for the strength I've gotten from getting through rough times. And I'm thankful that I'm feeling better. I can go out with friends and not pay for it for a week. I mean, I can go out with friends, period. I can have a job. I can be 27. And I'm a stronger girl than I would have been if I didn't have a hard time getting to this point.